For a while

For a little while there will be company and I can feel a bit less alone. I mean, I usually don't feel alone, only lately it has been a constant. My boyfriend decided to come here after all for a week, starting tomorrow.

He hasn't been to my new flat yet, he only helped me move last year. As said, I'm mostly relieved that he'll come. All my friends are either away on vacation or just leaving.

I had a small crisis Monday to Tuesday, when my leg was hurting so bad I couldn't keep still. I finally caved Tuesday afternoon and escaped to my GP. He gave me a shot that both of my dogs had had at some point, so I knew it could raise the dead. Which it did, for a day and a half. Only these things have side effects and this particular medicine made my kidneys almost stop. 

So today I have been trying to get them going again, not taking any meds, drinking pineapple juice. it's normalizing little by little ... and the pain is also coming back. 

If for nothing else, this is one good reason to have a new hip now and not suffer any longer. I'm so full of all kinds of medication that eventually, it must start to feel in some place. 

Went to see JM on Tuesday, right after the Doc, so that was nice. They ALL are so terribly nice and supportive and ... worried. Which is sweet but I'd still rather not have this bad leg! How come that Letzebuerg has the sweetest guys? Only problem, they are either gay or married or a priest!

I had made a cake for JM's brotherhood: rice with apricots and carrots. It was really good, even if I say so myself. Got an e-mail this morning, with rave reviews.

Had lunch with Pat today, laughed a lot. Her friend is a grandmother as of yesterday morning, for the third time. And then there will be Pat's 50th birthday party to look forward to. And that will be it because after that I'll be at the hospital and life, as I know it, will change.

For me, the most incredible thing is, that I will go there on my own two feet, then be put to sleep and when I wake up, I will be as if I had been in a car crash! And I'm doing it all at my own free will!

I hadn't conceived it possible that such a thing could happen. Even when things were getting bad, I still didn't believe that it would come to that. And now it has!

I'm trying to psych myself into faking it until I make it. It is simply something that has to be done. And I'd bloody well muster some courage because I'll be needing it!

At least I found out that I actually like the electronic cigarette. That means that I can smoke in the hospital bed and nobody can tell me otherwise!

As said, K. will come tomorrow. We'll have lunch at the Juegdschlass with Tilly on Sunday. 

And then go and visit the military cemeteries: both American and German. 

I wonder if I should take him to Hamm, the Garden of Memories where my ashes will, one day (hopefully not too soon) be scattered on the Letzebuerg soil among other good Letzebuergers. That's the Ultimate Integration for you! I'm sure I'll freak him out :) It's morbid but strangely consoling!